We have to reclaim a space for people to shed misinformation and build understanding. People’s misunderstanding is being exploited by political actors and dark corners of the internet. Rather than answer a question about a windfall tax, Boris Johnson would rather talk about the definition of a woman. This was clearly shown at PMQs this month. Worse, we have a Conservative Government that is deliberately fighting culture wars over the rights of trans people to distract from Partygate and to distract from the cost of living crisis.
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The ‘Adam and Steve’ line might be hard to imagine today, but worse is said about trans people on TV, in newspaper columns and social media, every day. The same tropes and the same suspicions are levied at trans people. The biggest thing in my journey has been meeting people and learning from their experience (Picture: Benali Hamdache) Everyone can go through a journey of understanding. It is natural to be unsure in the face of new information and experiences. I share these stories because I want to make it clear that it’s OK to change your mind. I’ve since learned about the issues intersex and asexual people face, coming from a place of ignorance before. I had never heard about asexuality either. I didn’t know anything about intersex people, and had probably only come across the outdated slurs. I do now and I’m grateful for the conversations that helped. When the motion came to the next meeting, I spoke for it and I voted for it. It made me think about how difficult being a young trans person must have been. My dad’s repeated demands that I be ‘a real man’ echoed in my head. He explained why LGBTQ+ people are all victims of gender stereotypes and how we have a common cause. He said that one of the reasons why trans members weren’t coming was because of the barrier just ‘LGB’ created. I’m thankful for an older student who really clearly and patiently explained why it mattered. I’m grateful that when we had that debate over our LGB society the discussion was held over two meetings. Shedding those feelings is an active task. There’s a special kind of self-hate you internalise when you’re not raised to accept yourself – particularly when raised in a household with a conservative outlook.ĭisgust and denial are daily. I had only been allowed on the reassurances that it was ‘just a phase’. My dad had found out I was gay and had threatened to not let me go. I escaped that household when I got to university, but barely. ‘You don’t think you’re a woman, do you?’ he once growled in horror. My dad made clear that the only thing worse than being gay was being trans. When I reached my teens, I was torn in conflict between being gay and my Muslim upbringing. I barely accepted myself as a gay man, never mind trans people. Who did the cleaning, who earned money and who looked after children. My dad had overbearing rules about men and women, and what was acceptable and what wasn’t. I don’t think I had particularly enlightened views as a teenager either. I didn’t know then I was gay, that came later. That I was really able to connect with a lot of gay men that are for the most part under the radar and what most see of the gay community.Too many LGBTQ+ people are raised to hate ourselves before we know ourselves – particularly in conservative homes.Īs a seven-year-old child, I recall watching some kind of daytime chat show where gay relationships were being furiously debated.Ī man stood up and bellowed: ‘It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’. I think that that's one of the major differences doing it now. They're not out at a lot of gay bars or clubs in urban areas. Ten, maybe 20 years ago, I'm not quite sure how I would have found the same men because they're not going to gay community centers, most of them. That difficulty in finding them was made so much easier by the Internet. I think the type of men I was looking for aren't as outspoken as a lot of those advocates are. I think most outspoken gay men and all facets of the LGBT community are those people who defined themselves very much by being gay and they have that issue that they really want to share with the world. The thing that surprised me the most is the regularness of all these guys. It would have been much more difficult to find them.
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The Internet played a big part in how I found people.